"No. Not literally. That's disgusting. Jesus. What's the matter with you?"
I wanted to run on Friday, but with no phone, I wouldn’t be able to track my distance. In conclusion, "YES! No more running until I get a new phone! I hate running! I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!" What a ridiculous thought that flowed through my mind. I decided to stop having such a fat mentality and ran that afternoon. The rest of the day was spent at home, where friends and family that knew of this tragedy could contact me via facebook, gchat, or e-mail.
The lovely Annie gave me the brilliant idea of scheduling an appointment with the "Genius" bar at the Apple store to see if they can solve my issue. The journey was set, the following day would be spent trekking my way to Roosevelt Field Mall to find a solution to my dilemma. It's their product, they should be able to diagnose my invalid phone, right?
I go to the Genius Bar and check in. I tell them what I believed was the issue, and I was asked to wait. Fair enough, appointment was at 1PM, I arrived at 12:40 because I do not like to be tardy. No complaints.
As I was waiting, I decided to use my keen observation to people watch. One of the "Geniuses" helping a customer looked just like an Indian Steve Jobs. In my head, I began to rehearse the unveiling of the new, stunning, and innovative iPhone 6 in an Indian accent. There was also a gentleman across from me who was on the phone talking to a person who he described in the conversation as "Yous a snitch. I blocked yo numba and only then did you try to reach out to me. Yous a snitch. Yous got diarrhea mouth. All you do is talk. Yous a snitch. Yous got diarrhea mouth."
"Andy Yung? My name is Francesca. I hear there's a problem with your phone?"
I explained to the "Genius" that I believed the battery of my phone was dead. I was stopped immediately as she explained that she needed to take it to the back to take apart and check the serial number. When she came back, I was told that since my phone was out of warranty, they could not do anything to help. She provided two costly solutions; renew a 2-year contract with AT&T and pay $200 for another 4S or 5S, or purchase a new phone without a contract for ~$500.
Really? There's no attempt to even tell me what's officially wrong with my phone? When did the "Genius" bar's so called geniuses get replaced with snake oil salesmen? I'm a dumb ass loyal consumer that will get the newer model of your god damn phone when it comes out. Can you wait until then to pick my wallet?
I asked if they would at least tell me what was wrong my device. All I was given was some half ass excuse about how they won't open it to check because it's probably got a bunch of faulty wires. This statement was as equally unprofessional as the one Louis CK got about his grandmother when the doctor told him "She's probably got a bunch of tumors in her head."
With her eyes lit up, Francesca asked "You're going to go a month without a phone?!"
Yes I will. My plan was to document my phoneless adventures the same way Morgan Spurlock did when he Super Sized himself in the documentary "Super Size Me." Instead of a video log, I was going to write down my thoughts and reflections here.
It was difficult going a day and a half without a phone. Every time I wanted to contact someone, take a picture, check e-mail, my hand would reach for the phantom phone in my left pocket only to realize it's not there or it doesn’t work. How would I last a month?
I went with my initial diagnosis. I had a feeling the battery needed to be replaced. Since it was an Apple product, and they do not like people fussing around with the insides of their shit, not many people know what to do.
I needed to find a place where people are unruly and do not care about rules or other human beings. A place where people will go to extremes to make a quick buck. Where did I go? Flushing of course! Just like Mos Eisley, " You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
I just needed to find those ghetto printed signs that advertised fixing iPhones. I knew I was taking a big risk, but my phone had no chance otherwise. I found a place and approached. I asked if they replaced iPhone batteries. They did. I told them my situation and left my phone with complete strangers. I was told to come back within an hour. If my plan did not work and I was scammed, I would not be writing this reflection out of embarrassment.
I came back an hour later. The guy was not finished and my phone was not there. The operation takes place at another undisclosed location, probably because this is shady business we're dealing with here. He told me to wait and left the store. 5 minutes went by, no one showed. 10 minutes went by, nothing. At around 15 minutes, he came back with phone in hand telling me it wasn't only a battery issue, but the problem was fixed. The phone was plugged in but it looked grim. After 5 minutes of waiting and the store about to close, I agreed to pay half, take the phone home, and come back tomorrow. There was a sign of life as the red lightning came back. I felt that if I just charged it at home, the problem would be resolved. As I got home and began the charging process, within 10 minutes, my phone had awoke from its comatose state.
Problem solved. I plan to go back tomorrow and pay the shady Asian the other half. Thanks for nothing crApple "geniuses."